You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I would ride that face into the sunset
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
