google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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