Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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