I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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