Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
