Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
