Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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