Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
