the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
