return my video game
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Two words: blizzard sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
