I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
