i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
