i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
