idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
