idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
