I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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