The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
