i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
