my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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