I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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