i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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