A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
