You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
