Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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