So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
