hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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