i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
True strength comes from lack of pants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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