dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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