My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
are you so shy because you have an std?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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