OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
