i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
