At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
