even my farts smell like vagina
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
