The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
