i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
