I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
