im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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