I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
