Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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