I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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