reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
