lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize