Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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