As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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