she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
