When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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