i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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