I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
