Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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