We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
