ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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