what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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