I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
