Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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