i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
