how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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