my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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