Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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