Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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