I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
