I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
